I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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