It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
