Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
