my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
