She said her name was "party"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
