im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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