but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
