I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
