i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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