Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
