I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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