This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
