The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
