woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize