he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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