I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
