So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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