Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
