This house was built for laser tag.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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