Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
