I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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