So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
