I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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