you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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