Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
