then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
