just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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