I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
