My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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