He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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