don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
