remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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