they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
