ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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