I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
People in love make me want to vomit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
