Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
