he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
