I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
