I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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