Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
