he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
