I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
