White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
