So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
