i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
