Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i think i just lost a toe
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
