ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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