Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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