The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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