The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
