I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
