Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
