girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
