I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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