What did we do last night that was yellow?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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