Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
