we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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