Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
