Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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