last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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