when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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