I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
