; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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