i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
