Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
