I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
