apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
