bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
