I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
