why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
