We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
