tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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