I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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