I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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