I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
