cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
