yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
