But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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