I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
