I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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