They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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