im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
