It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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