Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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