just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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