he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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