Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
