gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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