hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
